Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
