if i can run in heels then i can drive
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
