eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
