When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
