Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize