apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
