The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't deserve a penis
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
