YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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