none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
