Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
