Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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