is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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