belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
