): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
