Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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