I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
COCAINE IS GR8
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize