I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
