I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
