I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize