If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize