My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
high people should be assigned attendants
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
