I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
