does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
