I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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