I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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