I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
