I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
