One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
