we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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