I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
