I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
