its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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