I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
