I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
