Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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