Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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