I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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