I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
