the day after is always just damage control
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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