i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
