shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
