I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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