you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
