I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i barfeds in our rink
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
