She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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