I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
