I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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