There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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