I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Randomize
