I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
