He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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