Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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