Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
