shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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