I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
