In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
